[listen]
[read, as a meditation]
The beauty of this idea is in its offensive simplicity.
Don't take offense just yet. This is an invitation to consider another perspective and not an attempt at a character assault. Allow me to paint a mental picture.
Take a d e e p breath and a g i a n t step back in your mind. Imagine that you're a director, and you're reviewing scenes of your life like long-lost VCR tapes found in your parents' attic. Feel the grooved plastic surface as you trace your fingers along their edges as you notice one labeled "my last day off." Pick it up, dust it off, take a deep breath, and push it inside. Hear it clicking as the gears line up and begin to spin. See the flash of light that jolts across the screen as a picture begins to appear, and watch as the grey and white pixels slowly fade into color. Notice the static fading into the background as the sounds and voices amplify.
Where are you?
What are you doing? Are you at home? Are you physically put together?
When presented with free time, how did you use it?
How does this match with what currently needs to be done in your life? How are your chores? Is there anything you have intentionally neglected because you simply do not like doing it? Are you secretly afraid of doing it because you haven't really done it too much, which causes you to worry that you won't feel confident doing it... which unintentionally led to a fear manifesting whenever this particular issue comes up? Are you secretly scared of eating healthier or ditching alcohol or tobacco because you're afraid that the people you know might judge you for making better choices than them?
Guess what, as long as you're not acting sketchy about it and as long as you're not being a pretentious dick about it, no one is going to notice or care. In fact, most people are going to be pretty jealous of it, so if anyone DOES act angry or short with you, just realize that they probably wish that they had the balls to do what you're doing but they don't have the confidence in themselves to actually get off their own ass and start doing it. In a way, overtly dismissive anger is the most sincere form of compliment that we may actually get, as it comes from the subconscious mind and bypasses the filters of the ego.
Is your space clean and organized? Would you be proud to have guests over right now? Are the dishes clean? When was the last time you did laundry? What did you do instead of doing the things that you know you need to do?
Does this match up with how you see yourself? Is everything as good as you can possibly imagine? Is this the space of your dreams? What is the space of your dreams? What does it look like? Have you moved?
What kind of work are you doing that allows you to have this sort of lifestyle? Allow yourself to imagine, in detail, what a perfect life would look like. Imagine where you're living. Is it a specific house? Is it another city? Is it another country?
Think of your most secret desire for your life. The one that you know your parents and your friends would judge you for. The one that's furthest from how the people in your life know you. The one that's furthest from your current reality. The one that would cause the most shame if anyone found out. As the shame starts to creep in, let yourself feel it. Notice your body tensing, and for a moment, take a step back and feel yourself get lighter. What if that weren't true? What if it wasn't actually embarrassing? Actually, why IS that even considered embarrassing? It would be really nice if that happened, now that you think if it.
If that WAS actually a possibility, what would have to change in your life? What would you need to do differently? Think of it like a recipe. You're trying to make the most epic death-row fantasy meal here. Budget is nonexistent and any ingredient is accessible. What ingredients do you currently have? Is that what you'd want for your last meal? What would you keep, and what would you swap out? Go in, and design the best case scenario that you can possibly imagine. Get into the SIMS interface of your own mind, and design your universe. Give yourself a moment to really imagine the details, the colors, the faces.
Bring your awareness to the things that this is making you physically feel. Is that a lightness in your shoulders? Are you tingling? Notice the sensations that are running through your body. Notice all the tiny little electrical impulses darting across your skin. Breathe deeply. Exhale slowly.
What do you need to change to become the person who's actually living that life? What obstacles are currently in your way? Which feels most urgent? What excuse have you given yourself for why you haven't addressed this yet?
What if that excuse... wasn't true? What would the opposite of that excuse be?
Are you actually a pretty competent person when you're faced with a challenge that interests you? Do you somehow always manage to make it work, even when it gets really close and scary? In the past, have you somehow always found really creative ways to make the best or the most out of what you've got - either with your household budget, your mystery basket home kitchen, or your 2 hours of free time a day?
What happens when your boss gives you a new recipe and you don't know how to execute one of the steps, or you've never handled one of the ingredients? Do you ask for help or clarification? Do you take a bathroom break and frantically google it, and then try to wing it so they don't think you're an idiot? Do you hand it to a coworker or ignore the ingredient since you're not sure how to prep it? Of course you don't. One way or another, you find a way to figure it out. The kitchen instills this in us. We find a way to make it work. We make substitutions when necessary, but we do not compromise.
Why then, does it seem so difficult to translate this perspective from the kitchen to the rest of the world? You have just as much control over the rest of your life as you do in the kitchen - and if you disagree, you have allowed yourself to give up that control on either a conscious or a subconscious level - and you have most likely masked this shame with excuses and justifications for your behavior. Do you get triggered easily? Ask yourself what illusion you're trying to defend. It's not the memory that upsets you - it's the way you're recalling it and the feeling you've attached to it.
You can decide to quit any part of your current life today and find something that serves your true self the best - just like you'd be able to find a new job quickly after walking out of a toxic work culture without giving notice. You can adopt a new mental framework any time you wish that allows this to be possible. Realistically, you've probably never been told that this is even an option for your life. It's not something that's often discussed in more economically disadvantaged social classes. It's not selfish to truly know what you want from life, or to take the necessary steps required to achieve it.
Ignore judgement and criticism from others - it comes from jealousy, shouted through a filter of self-hatred. It is never about you or your decisions. Most people could care less what you do with your life. They only start to care when they begin to realize that what you're doing is also something they're interested in - thus, judgement towards others is nothing more than a reflection of how they feel about themselves. They care when the steps that you're taking to improve your own life make them feel lazy by comparison - mainly because those are the same things that they wish they could change about their own life.
The farther your dream lies from the norms of the prevailing social narrative that you were raised with, the more anxiety you'll likely feel about taking those first steps into uncharted territory. Just know that if someone else is out there doing it, you can too. Find these people. Learn from these people. Listen to what they have to say. Learn from their mistakes. Follow their advice, but do it in a way that feels right to you.
Learn to trust yourself.
It's going to require a whole new set of spices if you're going to learn to make mole from scratch. Acquire them one by one. Try a few different brands. Do some research. Get to understand how it works in a variety of ways before you put it on the menu. Not every dish will be amazing the first time you make it - but the more you tweak it, the better it always gets. The more you understand the components, the better they all work together. This is how we conceptualize balance in a dish.
Transfer this perspective to the rest of your life, and you will start to unlock that elusive door called "Happiness."
[consider]
Perspective addendums, for those with lingering emotional reactions:
I know that someone out there is going to be outraged at this. so I wanted to address you directly. This is not about you in particular. I don't know you. I'm not insulting you personally. I speak generically, often through personal insight - and if any part of that felt offensive, I urge you to go inward and explore the reasons why. Ask yourself why it resonated enough to hurt. Ask yourself why you don't feel safe expressing that emotion or desire or personal truth. Ask yourself why you haven't allowed yourself to believe in your ability to make your own dreams into your reality. Identify the excuses and deconstruct the limiting beliefs. Realize that the only reason you feel fear is because you haven't done it before.
And then read this whole article again.
If this all seemed a bit obvious and silly, here's a powerful awareness check for you: not everyone was lucky enough to learn this stuff from the people in their life. A lot of people haven't grown up with possibility pre-installed as a default app on their self-phone. You know how difficult it is to get your grandparents to understand the concept of a dating app? It's a lot like that with mindset. For a lot of people, especially those who grew up poor or those who have struggled with depression, trauma, or anxiety, possibility feels like one of those A-list celebrity parties that they'll never be cool enough to attend - something that others get to experience, but not them. It's so far outside the realm of what they've experienced in their own lives that it quite literally does not even feel real. Be grateful that you had the privilege of knowing this.
Have a little compassion and don't be so quick to judge.
If this made you think and left you with some questions that you can't seem to resolve, hop on over to the forum and share what came up. Ask for perspective. Ask for help or advice. Chances are, someone who reads it may be able to offer some insight. Validate others' experiences. It's important to consider multiple perspectives when forming a formal opinion.
Keep an open mind. Aim to understand. Your future is up to you.
If this resonated and you understood the intention and message,
I see you. Thank you for finding your way here.
Please share this with someone who may need to hear it.
[absorb]
© 2019
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